We still don't have a date yet but, my girls will be moving out of state to live with their siblings at a relative's house. This will most likely take place within the next few days. I would love to say that I am torn apart but quite honestly I'm not.
I almost feel bad about not feeling horrible right now. The "I could never do that" phrase I always hear from people makes me wonder if somehow I am heartless because I can. I guess I just look at it from a different perspective, the girls'. I think if I was away from my mom and dad and separated from my siblings, would I want to live with strangers longer, or go live with my siblings at a close relatives house. Really it's a no brainer when you take yourself out of the equation.
This has been a very hard and trying month for my family. It's not easy going from one to four children overnight. It's not easy dealing with someone throwing a fit every morning for the last month and finally when everyone starts waking up happy and a routine is beginning to form having to prepare to never see the kids again. It's really hard not to worry about where they are going and if the person who will be taking care of 8 children is up to the challenge. I certainly know I would not be. I pray continuously for this person whose name I may never even know.
I began to find myself wondering if it was all worth it. They were only here for a month, most of that time I felt like I was barely hanging on and certainly not making a difference in their lives in this short time. Then tonight as I was cleaning up the kitchen God whispered into my ear, "those girls who never knew what a family dinner time was, prayed together out loud before you could even sit down at the table. Those girls who slept on the floor and were left home alone, prayed together as a family in their own beds and expected hugs, kisses and to hear "I love you." So maybe, just maybe I am making a small difference in their lives. They probably won't remember me as they get older, but they will remember what love looks like and what structure feels like. I know I will never forget my first foster placement of three little girls who turned my world upside down for a month.
You are making a bigger difference than you know...believe me :)
ReplyDeleteThanks girl, you make it look so easy and I'm all...'Did I eat dinner yesterday?" Lol
DeleteDon't ever doubt yourself, you made a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the reasons you aren't the emotional basket case that some people would expect you to be, is that you don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk (in faith). If we mean it when we pray "not my will, but Yours be done," then it is hard for us to feel bad when things don't go the way we thought they would. As parents, we totally get the concept of "I'm telling you 'no' because I love you and I know what's best." When God tells us the same thing, we realize that He really does. Does it still hurt sometimes? Of course, but as Christians, we know that "His ways are higher" and "joy will come in the morning."
ReplyDeleteWhen people tell you, "I could never do that," they are probably right. It's not just anyone who can open their home and heart to someone else's children, show them what it is like to be in a loving family with people who truly care about them, then let God take them to the next stop on their journey. It takes a strong, compassionate person of incredible faith to do something like this. That is why God chose YOU.