Enduring your Storm

I want to thank everyone for your response to "Renewed Strength". I am beginning to realize that blogging reaches people that otherwise I would never have a chance to speak with.

I want encourage you in whatever storm you are going through to keep fighting the good fight. As I shared yesterday my storm has been years of trying unsuccessfully to conceive, and while that has been a struggle for me it does not mean that it is the only struggle out there. It doesn't take long to find people in the midst of their storm if you pay attention. A quick look at Facebook and I see people battling illness, loneliness and financial issues.

One of the greatest examples of a person in the midst of their storm is composer Horatio Spafford. After tragically losing his son a couple of years early he sent his wife and four daughters to Europe by ship for vacation. He planned to join them after finishing up some business at home but received word that the ship had a collision and none of his daughters survived. His trip was no longer a vacation but to meet up with his mourning wife and on that journey he wrote the words to this song.


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Now I don't know about you but I've never faced that type of heartache before and I thank God for protecting me from it. But Horatio had the same choice back in 1873 that we have today, he could chose to complain and blame God or he could say. "I don't understand this God but I know that you are a just and loving God and I trust you." The lyrics of his song plainly show his choice, but how do we cling to God in the middle of our storm?

First, glorify God in your actions and words. I am a firm believer that anything God allows He can prevent and anything He prevents He can allow. So if God is allowing something in your life then you are to use it for His glory. I'm not saying that you will always know why things happen but regardless of why it happened put your full faith in God. If everything is always good all the time then we start to think that we can do this alone. I thank God for the trials in my life because they are what has brought me closer to God. We have to speak positive and walk in faith. His word says:

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Second, search your heart and look for sin or unforgiveness. I am not saying that God will punish you with sickness if you have hidden sin, but I am saying that it may be the key to your healing. Maybe God is desperately seeking after you to repent and lets face it we pray more when things are out of control. Use this time and ask God to search your heart; what do you have to lose? Even if you're not hiding unforgiveness or sin, using this time to make sure you are in right standing with God will help refocus your life.

Lastly, pray for others earnestly and often. When we realize that everyone has struggles and needs prayer we realize that our situation isn't unique. Praying for others sets you free of your self pity. It encourages you when you see God moving in their situation. It builds up the body of Christ and brings purpose and meaning to your storm. It allows your prayer life to expand and your perspective to change.

James 5:16

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

It's really your choice how you handle the storms of your life. Just know that God is in control and even when we don't understand why something is happening we can trust in Him. So many times in my life I have been able to look back and see why God allowed or stopped something and His way has ALWAYS been better than my way.

*Song used with Mahana's permission. (I'm sure my hubby doesn't mind either)

Renewed Strength

Last week we had a revival at our new church. Jim King from my home town came and preached directly to me all four days. It has honestly been a long time since I have felt that much conviction and hope. Don't get me wrong I can get something out of just about every sermon, but this was different...it was God speaking directly to me night after night through His servant.

The first night message was on "How to persevere after a long time of praying". Wow, I have never heard anyone preach an entire message on that subject. Typically it's a brief statement about not giving up. God was telling me that He heard my prayers and to continue to go boldly before Him. Second, he said to trust...don't let your experience rob you of your trust. That is exactly what I have been doing. After 3 years of trying and month after month of being disappointed I gave up. I didn't give up on God's ability but I gave up on His promises to give us a baby. He also said to trust your source not your resource. It's so funny to me when God calls me out on something, just days before I had been thinking about trying a new fertility vitamin. I never had peace about it because my cycle was finally starting to regulate without using any medications. I couldn't stop researching it though because it seemed like a new hope that worked so well for others with PCOS. I even thought that I would go ahead and take the clomid that has been sitting in my medicine cabinet. I just doubted that God was going to do this so I was looking at the world for my cure. Finally he said to stand and remember that God is always faithful. I refuse to quit or give up and I am standing on his word. His word is full of promises that we will be fruitful. Here are some if you are in the thick of this thing too:

Galatians 3:29, Galatians 3:9
"Now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and now all the promises God gave to him belong to you."

Psalm 113:9
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD!

Deuteronomy 7:14
You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall not be a male or female barren among you or among your livestock.

Exodus 23:26
There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days.

The second night message was on forgiveness. Now I have heard many sermons on forgiveness so I have no idea why this one rang so loudly in my ears. I felt God telling me that if I expected Him to forgive me and bless me with a baby then I had to forgive the one person that I have had so much trouble forgiving. I had spent seven years married to this person and the hurts were many but the deepest was the outward disregard for our daughter. Although my husband is now adopting her it really cut me very deeply that her biological father would be willing to let him. Like most mothers it was one thing to hurt me but it's another to hurt my baby. So I prayed and asked to Lord to help me to forgive and to walk in forgiveness even when new hurts come up. I think for the first time that night I truly forgave him. I made a promise to never speak poorly of him again; God doesn't remind me of my mistakes or tell others how crappy I have been because that isn't true forgiveness. A weight was lifted.

The next night was on being the salt of the Earth. We are put here to be different to be set apart for the rest of the world. So if I sit back and feel sorry for myself that God has not given us a baby yet then how exactly am I different? If I have no hope when I speak to others about my struggles getting pregnant then what kind of a God do I show others that I am serving? If I say that I have hope and yet no longer believe that I will become pregnant then I am a liar. I felt so convicted that night. I asked for forgiveness and had a new hope restored.  God isn’t punishing me it just hasn’t been His timing yet. My walk with God is very public and yet privately I was mourning the loss of what could have been each month. I was broken but I had stopped looking to God to fix me, I was no longer desperate for His touch. I had let myself be defeated.

The final night he preached on getting your breakthrough. Honestly, this night I tried to not respond. I had already been up for prayer and Satan was telling me that I shouldn’t go up again. Thank God I have a husband who also listens to God’s voice. He went up during alter time and I tried to tell myself he may be up for a different reason. Finally I was obedient to God and joined my husband. We had a prayer warrior come up who had no idea why we were up there. I could tell he presumed it was for prayer over our church planting that we had shared with the congregation. He prayed that we would be fruitful and then said, “I don’t know why but I feel like I need to pray for you to be physically fruitful as well.” That alone would have been awesome but God didn’t stop there, a woman standing next to my husband during prayer told us not to leave because she had a word for us. The evangelist came over to pray with us and my husband asked him about adoption as his ministry was over a Ukraine orphanage. He immediately asked to pray with us and told us to be true to the desires of our heart. God knew that I needed someone to tell me I don’t have to be ready for adoption yet. Finally, the woman came over and spoke with us; it turned out to be our pastor’s daughter. She said that for some reason 7 years was going through her head. Just the day before I had been thinking that I can’t wait until Chad and I have been married longer than 7 years. As silly as it seems I wanted my new life to surpass the time of my old life. She went on to say that my ministry is just as important as my husband’s, it’s hard when you have a very anointed spouse to feel like the behind the scenes stuff is just as important or that God will use you equally. She said that I see people as God sees them and that I will be able to reach women that others cannot. Our ministry would be a deliverance ministry. Then she said for some reason she felt the word pregnancy in her spirit. I could tell that it was hard for her to say that and honestly if you don’t know someone it would be really difficult tell them God is speaking pregnancy to them. I am glad that she was obedient to God because I felt validated and empowered like never before.

I have been telling my husband that I will be pregnant by the end of the year and now I mean it. I have drawn a line in the sand. Satan has no dominion over my family and over our fertility. He isn’t the giver of life and he can’t stop the God I serve from blessing me with a child. God said whatsoever is bound on earth will be bound in heaven. I am speaking in faith and binding the power that I have allowed him to have over my fertility. I am not infertile; I am the daughter of the King who gives life. Don’t give up hope, God loves you and He hears your prayers.

I added a song that I recorded while my husband was doing worship one morning. I really has ministered to me during the down times in all of this.
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