I found a quote that I love, although we are not to that
point yet I really can already connect to it.
” A child born to
another woman calls me mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the
privilege are not lost on me." - Jody Landers
I guess the reason that I can already relate is because I am
running into a problem with this adoption already. The problem is that I find
it difficult to know what to pray, I mean when you are pregnant you pray that
the baby is healthy and that the delivery goes well. This is different though,
because I am aware of the reality that in order for us to get a placement that
something has to happen for there to be a need for the baby to be taken away
from its biological parents. What person in their right mind would pray for a
bad situation to happen to necessitate a need for this? Not only that, but the
situation will have remain unresolved for a period of time for the court to
find it in the child’s best interest to be placed for adoption.
We should be licensed by the end of April, so if we were to
get a placement immediately then that would mean that our child is already
inside its mother’s womb or possibly already born. Although years of let downs
with the infertility junk has harden me in some ways it certainly has not
stopped my ability to feel for those trapped in situations that are spiraling
downwards. I pray for the baby’s protection, I pray for God’s will, and
sometimes I don’t pray about it at all because I find myself at a loss of
words.
I believe that God knows my heart and will not take my
broken words and awkward requests for face value. I know that as much as I
wanted to have Jessi that I also want this baby and that God will sew it all
together for us in the perfect story He created for us. At the end of the day I
don’t have to have all the answers, that is the awesome thing about living for
God. He wraps you with His peace when you need it and you find calm in the
middle of your trials.
