Big sister Jessi

Yesterday after work we went to pick up a crib. Although I wish that we could buy all new everything for the baby, the truth is that we simply can't. My husband and I felt the call to plant a church and while God has opened many doors for us we make about $15,000 less a year. I don't say that to gripe because I believe He doesn't want us getting too comfortable in secular jobs and to rely on the world to provide for us.

So we found a crib and mattress on a Facebook group that matched our furniture. Jessi was so excited to help me put it together. She helped me wipe it all down with Clorox wipes, all the while saying that she hopes that she gets a sister so she can teach her how to be like her. It really warmed my heart to see her so excited. See this journey that we have been on has not just been hard for Chad and I, in fact there isn't a night that goes by or a meal that we eat that Jessi doesn't pray for momma to have a baby. It's hard to see you child yearn for something that you can't give them.

I also think that the fact that we are adopting helps her to normalize her own adoption. Jessi is biologically my child and very soon will be legally Chad's daughter, although he has been Daddy for over half of her life.  So her normal is that sometimes kids get adopted to put them in families that will love them and spend time with them like they are supposed to. I honestly don't think she gives it a lot of thought because it is all that she has ever known.

I guess as soon as the end of next week to a month from now we could have a child come through Respite. I recently heard that some foster parents have their foster children go to Respite care over Christmas to avoid buying them presents, that truly broke my heart. I guarantee that if I have a placement for Christmas they will have the full Christmas experience, I know my family wouldn't allow for any less even if I couldn't afford to do it myself.

So for now we wait.....

The Backwards Baby

So we had our meeting yesterday and it seemed to go very well. The only thing she said we needed to do was to put a locking door or gate up on the pool, which we already knew we needed to do. We found out a few things that I didn’t come across on my hours of research so I will list them here just in case you are starting your journey of researching:

1. When you adopt through the state of Missouri the state provides Medicare/Medicaid for the child until it turns 12 or 13 (I just don’t remember which one it was)

2. They also provide daycare until that age as well

3. Foster to Adopt is simply a way of saying that the foster parents are adopting. It’s not a program that you can sign up for. You either sign up to foster or adopt and if the plan changes from reunification then you can adopt the child you are already fostering. The plan is almost always reunification unless they have been in foster care 15 of the last 22 months then the state is required to change the plan to adoption.

4. Respite care is relatively easy to do. There are no classes to attend or home studies to pass. They simply do a background check and a walk through of your home and you are good to go.

               -Respite care is basically just babysitting a child in foster care to give the foster family a break. This can be over the weekend or longer depending on the circumstances.

5. The judge can now give a blanket out of state order for the tri-state area so we would not need to have judge approval to take a foster child out of state to see my family in Oklahoma each time we go.

So I guess the coolest thing we found out yesterday is the Respite care stuff. This gives us a way to help those kids in the older age group that may not fit in our family as a forever child but at least give them a safe place to go for a few days. The license coordinator is going to send us cards to get our fingerprinting done and then we will be set to go. The only thing she suggested is that we go ahead and get a crib so that we can do respite care for younger children as well.

That brings me to my blog title “The Backwards Baby”, sorry for such a long intro. So now that we have the green light and could actually have a child stay at our house in a matter of weeks instead of months my initial panic to prepare seems much more justified. The problem is that I have an 8 year old not a baby and while my house is now officially safe for a baby I certainly don’t have anything that a baby needs.

I know that there are many great foundations out there such as Fostering Hope and The Caring Closet that provide foster families with the things that they need for the children. My problem is twofold; first I don’t feel like it would be right to ask someone to donate a crib to me when I’m not really even fostering a child full time. Second, if I were to get pregnant I would run out and buy a brand new crib for my baby. Why should this child have any less than what I would provide it if it were to come from my own womb?

So do you have a baby shower for a child that is yet to come and if so what if it takes a year for it to get here, wouldn’t that be silly to have prepared so early? The crib is a nonnegotiable item to even get a placement overnight so it must be bought as well as bedding but what about a highchair, toys, a dresser, decorations to match the bedding you chose?

Why not just go ahead and set up the nursery as if I was pregnant and expecting? Or would that be a painful reminder that I am not and may not have a baby for quite some time?

I'm sorry that I am offering more questions than answers but I want this blog to be a realistic view of our journey, and I really don't have all the answers. I do know that I need to go shopping for a crib and leave the rest up to God to work out. 

The Adoption Positive Pregnancy Test

Today is the first step in our journey to adopt. I would say the first step in what will prove to be a long journey but quite frankly it already has been a long journey. We sent in our application to start the process in getting licensed to adopt and later today we meet with our licensing specialist at our home.

It honestly feels comparable to taking a pregnancy test and seeing a yes. I have this "we are going to have a baby we better get ready" feeling knowing that I still have several months to prepare for its arrival. Like any newly expectant mother I have scoured the web for essential items. Granted most new mothers first purchases are onesies and receiving blankets and my purchases are to ensure we pass the home study. So the first thing I bought was a 5lb fire extinguisher followed by outlet plugs, cabinet locks, and a baby gate approved for the top of stairs. I have also prepared fire escape plans for every room and have them printed and laminated. I hope the lady doesn’t think I am crazy for going overboard and preparing to quickly.

Like most expectant fathers my husband does not share my immediacy to prepare for the baby. Lucky for him in my hours of searching online blogs about fostering to adopt I ran across a profound statement to which I have applied to our situation. “My husband doesn’t have to share my level of excitement, just my level of commitment.” I also realize that he is the protector of my family and there is certainly the possibility of hurt during this process that he wants shield us from if possible.

It kind of funny to me, as we were filling out the application we came to the part that you select what type of child you would accept in your home. My husband and I had no discussion because we were already in agreement, but when I put down on the paper that we wanted a child of any gender and of any race between 0-24 months I felt a little sad. It broke my heart a little knowing that there are children out there that need homes that would not fit within the boundaries that we had chosen. While it felt good knowing that gender or skin color would not affect our ability to love and nurture a child it hurt to say that age would. See it’s really easy to feel like you are doing something noble when you start this process, I mean a lot of people think about it but very few actually put any actions to their thoughts. When you put restrictions on what type of child that you would accept it really brings you back to the reality that it is just as much about your own desire as it is helping a kid needing a family.

A friend of mine is adopting a 17 year old boy, in fact it is finalized tomorrow and while they didn’t set out to adopt a teenage boy I certainly have no doubt that God put them together. It really blesses my heart to see them together. I guess we all have our own cross to bear when it comes to this subject because at the end of the day there will always be kids out there needing a family to love them. My cross is the age restriction, yours may be feeling called to foster or adopt and never being obedient to that calling, and others might be turning a deaf ear to the need entirely. I realize adoption isn’t for everyone but in Matthew the 25 chapter God makes it very clear that we are to look out for “the least of these” which I have no doubt orphans fall into that category.



35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’



37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’



40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


I know that not everyone is called to adopt but I would just ask that you see what God is calling you to do about the kids in need. Sorry it wasn’t my intention to mention that in this particular post but I really felt led to adding it.

I love how God does little things to confirm that you are on the right path, because truth be told I still question this decision. I don’t question our ability to love another child of our own but because I have always viewed adoption as giving up on God healing me, so I have moments where I worry that I am giving up on God instead of being obedient. I am sure that satan just trying to get me down but this morning I heard this song for the first time on my way to work and it really reaffirmed that we are on the right path.

 

I haven’t given up on God, I have submitted to His will. I still fully believe that I will get pregnant but I also believe that it may be with child number 3 instead of number 2.