Is that supposed to help?

Now that you have a look into my infertility journey I think it would only be right for me to help you react appropriately. Now I certainly don’t expect you to react in a certain way but possibly help you to avoid being hurtful accidently. Hopefully you will find this humorous…especially if you find that you are guilty of using any of the following.

What Not to Say to a Person Suffering From Infertility:

1.     Just relax it will happen. (This is quite possibly the most common reaction after someone asks for a status update on our baby journey and makes me the craziest.)

·        My infertility is caused by my pituitary gland being unable to regulate my hormones appropriately. Your pituitary gland is responsible for regulating your hormones and insulin levels. Malfunctioning pituitary glands cause diabetes or in my case PCOS and requires medication to regulate it or a touch from God to heal it once and for all.

·         After several months to years of trying to get pregnant and it not happening it is impossible to relax. Suggesting to a person who is on an emotional rollercoaster each month that it is somehow their fault for being too stressed is just mean. Don’t worry, we know that you didn’t mean it that way but it still hurts.

·        I fully believe that God is the only one who answers prayers and has the ability to create life…pretty handy having Him on my side. I know that He will bless me with a baby in His perfect timing. I’m also convinced that my miracle is not contingent upon my stress level.

2.     My friend had the same issue until they adopted, then she got pregnant.

·        Adoption is great and should God call us to adopt we will be obedient to that calling. While I am open to the idea of adoption I certainly would not try it as a remedy for our infertility. I often wonder what an appropriate response when someone says this to me….

3.     Be glad you don’t have to deal with (insert pregnancy symptom here)

·        Obviously this one usually comes from a pregnant friend looking for some sympathy. Sorry I’m not a big enough person to look past my own three plus year yearning desire to become pregnant to feel sorry for anyone who is. I guess admitting I have a problem is the first step. Griping about your pregnancy to me is like griping to a starving person that there isn’t any good to eat on the buffet.

4.     Can’t you change your plans and come to my baby shower?

·        Ok I realize that my excuse was probably not the best or maybe I really do have plans. The reality is that it is just really hard for me to attend without wanting to bust out in tears. This doesn’t mean that I’m not happy for you or that I’m wanting to cheap out on a gift. It’s just really hard to sit through an hour or two of celebration, where inevitably someone will say “one day that will be you” and not want to jump off of a cliff. In my mind I am protecting myself from the reality of my situation and protecting you from the awkwardness that my infertility brings to your shower.

So that pretty much sums it up. I hope that you aren’t offended by my list but I felt it was my public services for all of us infertile folks.