Little Man

Two days before 2015 came to and end we received a phone call about a little guy coming into care. We of course said yes and waited for him to show up. Most families have 9 months to prepare, we got the call at 4pm at work and he moved in around 6pm that night.


Six weeks have past and we have mastered potty training! Woo HOO. I can tell he is feeling more secure by the day and really attaching to us. It's way to early to see how everything will work out for him, but we are praying for God's best for this little guy.

Overdo Update

I apologize at how long it has taken me to update. It's very hard to keep you updated as events happen and also respect the privacy of our placements.


The Boys- I can say that is was love at first site. These boys stole our hearts from day one. We had them a total of 6 months and when the "sure thing" adoption began to look like a sure thing reunification we asked to have them moved. We hated having to make that choice but Chad lost his father and it was just emotionally more than we could bear. When a child moves in as a foster child you build a wall in your heart that says "love them but remember they aren't yours" (much like your nieces and nephews). But when you are promised an imminent adoption you throw caution to the wind and knock down all walls. With foster care the only thing you can count on is change. Unless a judge has signed an order it is just what everyone hopes will happen.


After the boys left we decided to take some time to heal. We went to adopt only status and were eventually were chosen to interview for a sibling set of 2 boys. The names were so similar to the first set that it felt wrong to me to even consider it. I actually prayed God would not let us be chosen. He answered that prayer.


I ran into the boys' mom at a restaurant and was able to have a real conversation with her. She is doing great and the boys have reunified with her.  I now have closure and peace about the situation. I left feeling a little ashamed that I could not support her and teach her how to be the mom they deserved. It was then we decided that we could be foster parents after all. This time with eyes wide open.


That catches you up I'll post a separate entry on what is happening now.

Irony

I forgot to mention a few things. The first is about Melissa, the foster mom who we did respite for that recommended us to the boys caseworker. I honestly had written off what she said. I mean I didn't even know for sure it was her they were talking about until I looked through my text and saw that was her name. Life lesson: it's easy to disregard what people say until it changes your life.

Also the day after we officially took the placement of the boys in our home, we received a call for a newborn baby girl at the hospital. Oddly enough I had ZERO desire to take her. After discussing it with Chad we decided not to take her. I felt really bad, but with the likelihood of the boys being adopted I really thought they deserve to have time to settle in before even considering adding to us. A good friend from class ended up taking the baby and she was so happy she cried. I knew that God had made no mistake of what phone call I received first. Life Lesson #2: Stop telling God how I want my blessings packaged. He just laughs at me anyways then says "you will love what I have for you so much, you won't believe you asked for something different"

The Boys

Time has flown by since our girls left. Oddly enough we have still not been paid yet, but it's only been 7 weeks. (Eye roll) We found out that the siblings we were interested in would not be separated from their sister they haven't been living with and her special needs are more than we are capable of taking care of at this time. We decided to go ahead and open back up and be very strict on what kind of placement we would accept. 

In the interim, we watch two kiddos that were amazing, a happy go lucky 9 month old baby and a 4 year old little boy. They were from another county and it looked like we might get to take them as a placement. They decided to keep them in their county due to degree of abuse and wanting to utilize local resources they were familiar with. We were pretty heartbroken, but it did show us that we could love again after being let down with the siblings not working out. The seasoned foster mom we did respite for asked what we were looking for and told us that she would keep an ear out. I figured that was her way of being nice since she knew we we're let down. I told her we wanted a baby and a 4-6 year old sibling set and didn't think much more of it.

Two weeks went by back on the active list and all the calls we received were not even in our age we are licensed for. (Pretty typical when the caseworker gets desperate to find a placement) Then out of the blue I get a call...the caseworker said that she had heard from Melissa and she knew we wanted a baby but gave us the scoop on two boys. She said, "Due to the amount of time they have been in the system and lack of  progress adoption will be very likely. Would we like to take them for the weekend to see if it would be a good fit for our family?" How could I say no? I called my hubby who agreed and we meet the boys that night. They were so cute and quite honestly could pass for bio kids. The weekend went great and we accepted the placement. That was 3 weeks ago and these boys have stolen our hearts. Now for the roller coaster of how this thing will end. We greatly appreciate your prayers!

Quiet Again

This past Thursday our girls moved out and life went back to our normal. We had about a day and a half notice that the move was taking place that particular day. Apparently at court that morning they figured out that when the tribe signed the paperwork on May 27th the kids were no longer in our states custody. That means they had to go fast because services, such as foster care, ended on that day. (June 10th)


The girls were very excited to get to go live with their brothers and sisters again. I could tell it was bittersweet for them but we shared in their excitement and tried to put a positive spin on it. Now we will have to see how long it will take the tribe to reimburse the state so we get our stipend for the month of June. I'm not holding my breath on that one.


I guess the big question is where do we go from here. What is the next step? I guess for every foster parent the answer is a bit different. Our plan has always been to take a couple of weeks off and give our family some time before opening up to another set of kids.


We are currently in the middle of our adoption classes. They will be complete this Saturday. We are very hopeful about being chosen as an adoptive placement for a particular set of siblings and will not accept any placements until we see how God works that particular situation out. If we have kids in our house then we will not be able to accept adoptive placements. Our license is for 3 kiddos adoptive or foster at one time. I guess from here we prepare for what God opens to us next. I have been washing car seat covers, bedding, shampooing carpets and have a whole list of things that I want to get done before more littles move in.

Reflection

We still don't have a date yet but, my girls will be moving out of state to live with their siblings at a relative's house. This will most likely take place within the next few days. I would love to say that I am torn apart but quite honestly I'm not.

I almost feel bad about not feeling horrible right now. The "I could never do that" phrase I always hear from people makes me wonder if somehow I am heartless because I can. I guess I just look at it from a different perspective, the girls'. I think if I was  away from my mom and dad and separated from my siblings, would I want to live with strangers longer, or go live with my siblings at a close relatives house. Really it's a no brainer when you take yourself out of the equation.

This has been a very hard and trying month for my family. It's not easy going from one to four children overnight. It's not easy dealing with someone throwing a fit every morning for the last month and finally when everyone starts waking up happy and a routine is beginning to form having to prepare to never see the kids again. It's really hard not to worry about where they are going and if the person who will be taking care of 8 children is up to the challenge. I certainly know I would not be. I pray continuously for this person whose name I may never even know.

I began to find myself wondering if it was all worth it. They were only here for a month, most of that time I felt like I was barely hanging on and certainly not making a difference in their lives in this short time. Then tonight as I was cleaning up the kitchen God whispered into my ear, "those girls who  never knew what a family dinner time was, prayed together out loud before you could even sit down at the table. Those girls who slept on the floor and were left home alone, prayed together as a family in their own beds and expected hugs, kisses and to hear "I love you." So maybe, just maybe I am making a small difference in their lives. They probably won't remember me as they get older, but they will remember what love looks like and what structure feels like. I know I will never forget my first foster placement of three little girls who turned my world upside down for a month.

Mother's Day

Just as we start to get our groove Mother's Day happens. We decided to surprise the kids by having their sibblings over for a ballon releasing ceremony. The kids all signed a paper and released it so it could find its way to mom. They said that they had done this for their deceased brother before. 

I can't imagine how overwhelming it was for her to take care of all seven by herself. I also can't imagine the hurt she must be feeling today even if this was her choice. I know that no matter how much love and time I give them I cannot fill the void in their hearts for her. I am so thankful that my mom poured so much into my life. I hope I can do the same for them. 

The first week

It has been a week today that three little girls walked through our door and into our heart. A is 5, B is 4, and I is 2. The first couple of days I was so overwhelmed I was going to ask for a new home to be found. What was I thinking saying yes to three? It wasn't indicative of their behaviors, it was that I was ill equipt to take them. 

Once we got a bunk bed in place and a sticker chart for morning and evening routines in place life began to look livable again. The massive amount of appointments needed still overwhelms me but we are getting there. They are a part of a larger sibbling group so we arrange visits with them. Parent visits are a nonissue so I think life will will be smoother after this first month. 

Clothes were a huge problem. My girls had been at another home for a week so they had clothes already. The problem is that they range from a 18months to a 6x and all the initials on the tags are wrong. The two and four year can share a 5t shirt so we have got it under control for now. 

It's a girl...times 3

The very real and very unfortunate thing about foster care is that there is always more kids. Again we were set to be license May 7th but yesterday morning (May 1st) we had three little girls brought to our home. They are 5, 4 and 2. Life as we know it has changed.

After having taken 27 hours of classes you would think that I would be fully prepared for all of this. Honestly as a person who thrives on structure I feel like a fish out of water right now. They are good kids so I am sure in a few weeks we will have a routine and life will calm down a bit. This morning was full of tears and if I didn't have such a great husband then I would have been crying too.


The classes that we took explained mostly how to parent the kids, and as a parent most of it were things we already do. What I don't feel like we went over is what happens after the classes? What is the process from getting the phone call to to getting through the first few weeks? There are appointments that you have to make but there is no centralized place that lists what it is that you need to do when? Or if there is I certainly did not get it from the caseworker in the 15 minutes that she was there.

Let me walk you through my experience so that you will know what to expect. First you receive a call to and you decide to say yes. The case worker schedules a time to bring the kids to you and do a quick walk through. For us that just meant that she looked at the bedroom they would be staying in. (We did not have adequate beds but she knew that we are going to get bunk beds soon so she approved an air mattress for now for one of them.) They give you a folder full of paperwork (most of which you have never seen before) and ask if you have any questions. You come up with whatever questions that you can think of as the kids explore the house and the pile of their stuff gets spread across the living room. Oddly enough you have a hard time coming up with questions but it doesn't really matter because you don't remember the answers to the ones that you did ask once she leaves.

We spent the rest of the day enrolling for daycare, doing kindergarten enrollment for the fall, getting car seats from the Caring Closet  and signing up for WIC. We were all exhausted by the end of the day so I am sure that didn't help our morning to go smoothly. Please pray for all of us during this transitioning time.

Tacky or Ok?

So I mentioned in my last post that I had registered on Walmart for some items I still need but quite frankly can't really afford to get right now. My husband seems to think that it is tacky to do so.  It's not that I really expect people to buy us stuff, although I'm sure several people would like to help foster kids but aren't really ready to open their homes yet. I just thought, hey why not? It takes a village right?

Let me break down the financial side of foster care for you, because you often hear that people are in it for the money. The classes and home study are free. To pass the home study you have to have outlet covers, a large fire extinguisher, smoke alarms, baby gate for stairs, locked (not just child proofed) medicine and fire arms. We also had to purchase a door and lock for our pool. This is all at your own expense. So far so good right, I mean most of that stuff you probably have or should have anyways.

Now that your house is ready you have to prepare the space for the child. You receive your license based on the amount of available beds that you have. So if you want to have 2 kids then you need two beds to be licensed for that. We chose 2 kids ages 0-5, which means that us having a crib and a twin bed is fine. It also means that if we get a 4 and 5 year old that we will need to buy another t twin sized bed ASAP.

That is it, according to children's services you are ready to be placed with kids. Perfect right? Oh wait you chose an age group that requires a car seat...sorry that comes out of pocket. Let's see that is 2 kids times 2 cars so 4 car seats. You can wait to buy those until you get a placement but honestly car seat shopping for 4 car seats while kids are waiting to be picked up sounds like too much fun for this girl. Not to mention they range from $30-$150 for a decent one. I am a little high maintenance so I purchased a few things that the kids probably won't have when they come such as: toothbrushes, toothpaste, baby wash, baby lotion, wipes, matching bedding, plastic drawers for their clothes, sippy cups, baby spoons and forks, an extra set of sheets, and a few toys. I told you, high maintenance, right?

Now I know what you are thinking, "Don't you get paid for foster care?" Yes, you are right! If this is the child's first placement you get $150 to buy their clothes with. That's everything from shoes to undies to actual clothes. Now if they are temporarily in a group home before you get the call then they may have already used the money and you just get what is passed to you. I am a bargain  shopper so that terrifies me about how quickly it could be used on very little. Same thing if they are moved to you from another foster home. You also get around $200 to $300 a month depending on the type of placement. That is not paid upfront and typically takes about a month to start. Let me just say that doesn't go very far at all but obviously that isn't why we are doing this. 

I hope this doesn't come across as unhappy with the way it works or guilting people for help. I mean we did chose to go this route...well we didn't chose infertility but we chose obedience to the call to foster. We also know that as God calls He also provides. So that brings me to my question, "What do you think about a foster parent registering on a baby registry?" Please comment I would love to hear your thoughts on this whether you are a foster parent or not. I don't want to be tacky if this is socially unacceptable but it would be nice to have a little help.

Or Not

Today we heard back from the case worker about the girls. They have found a relative that can take them who should be approved soon. I am a little sad for me but mostly happy for them. I cannot imagine moving to a home where everyone not only looked different but also spoke a different language than I was used to. 

It was a good test run for us and I was able to add a question to my placement form. "Are they potty trained?" Which age alone is never an indicator. Luckily we didn't go crazy at Walmart last night. We simply bought more wipes, a pack of diapers and some toddler toothbrushes. So now we are back to waiting. I just feel bad that Jessi is expecting them to be at home tonight.


In other exciting news....I registered at Walmart :)

The Call

All the moments of the last month have led up to waiting for the phone to ring, and today it rings. It’s a placement for two girls ages 2 ½ and 3 ½. I fumble through my purse to get the form that has the questions I have prepared for this call. Honestly most of the questions are left unanswered in since this is their first placement. It doesn’t matter much anyways, they need me. I call my husband and pass the little bit of information I was given and we say yes.

I call the caseworker back to let her know that we will accept the placement but she says that there is an issue that she needs to work out first. We have completed all of the necessary things to get our license, however the licensing committee does not meet again until May 7^th to approve it. We are not yet licensed and technically cannot accept a placement. She told us not to worry because her supervisor mentioned us as a possibility for the girls knowing this was the case. The supervisor decides to send out our home-study to the appropriate people and they should have signatures tomorrow so we can receive our license a week early. We will be able to pick up the girls as soon as we have all of the appropriate signatures.

So that gives me a night to wrap my head around the changes that are coming to our family. Also, the case worker told us that we can go see the girls tonight and that makes me really happy. I think it will be a lot easier on them to meet us first before moving in. While I cannot give any details for their privacy I will say that there are no major issues of concern for me at this time other than their limited ability to speak English. I took several years of Spanish in school as well as lived in southern California so hopefully we will be able to meet in the middle somewhere.

Needless to say I am very excited, and scared, and a hundred other emotions all at once.

The Room

The day is soon approaching that we will be licensed and open for placements. We have completed our 27 hours of training, had three home study visits and have had a handful of Respite placements. I highly suggest doing Respite if you are considering adopting or fostering. One thing it taught us was that we want no more than two but would enjoy up to the age of 5. May 7th is rapidly approaching so now the question..."how do I set up a room for the unknown?"

Well if you are looking to me for an answer, I am sorry I have no idea, but I will tell you what I have done so far. Jessi decided to move to the bigger room downstairs and use the full size bed. That left me with a twin bed and the crib I purchased. My parents were kind enough to get the bedding for the crib and I just loved how friendly it was. (Plus gender neutral) 

Walmart rocks

So with bedding in hand I scoured the web for fun ideas and found the tissue puffs to fit the budget and cuteness factor. Here is my start of that project. 

Still need to add more.

I decided I loved the alphabet theme with the almost Dr Seuss 

feeling whimsy. I cannot tell you how long I searched for bedding to match. The problem is that most parents know their child's gender prior to moving them to a twin size bed so it is extremely limited. In the mean time I just used Jessi's bedding since she wasn't using it. 

Wouldn't you know that I had two boys during the short time and had to put a brown blanket over it.

So I finally found bedding that somewhat coordinated with my crib set. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind but the colors and animals matched so close and it was gender neutral so I bought it. Then I decided to take the plunge and paint the room bright green. I really wanted an inviting playful room.

Now all that is left is the wall art. I think above the twin bed I am going to do a modified version of this alphabet wall.

(Source unknown)

I also think I'll put a cork board to display their artwork. That is pretty much it for now. There are a million things I would love to get but it will come with time.

The funny thing is today when I was painting I started thinking about all that I wanted/needed for the room. I feel like a mom that is due in a matter of a couple weeks but this route is not as celebrated as pregnancy. Of course my family has been ultra supportive but to the rest of the world there is no celebration. Our gender reveal party is reduced to a call from a social worker asking if we will take a placement. There will be no work showers and likely no meals brought over for the first days. Decorating this nursery will likely be the closest I will come to most expectant moms.

As easy as it was to start to feel sorry for myself I didn't. Instead I was washed over by the joy of The Lord. I literally could not stop myself from crying as I finished painting. Here I am four years to the month of infertility and I am setting up a room for two blessings on their way. I don't need a parade, I don't even need someone to make me dinner. My God is always faithful and I am not letting the devil steal my happiness. 

Update: placed with 3 so bunk beds became a must

Toddler bed 

Kitchen set and toy box 

New bunk bed

Jessi's Big Day

Well it is official....Jessi is forever ours. No more worrying about her biodad getting custody if I were to die. No more splitting holidays or fighting about visitation days. She is just ours. I am so blessed that my daughter has such a wonderfully daddy. It has been years in the making but I will save the details for her privacy. I think this picture says it all.

It's really kind of funny because when my sister took this picture for us she didn't realize that she had caught Chad and my reaction in the background. 

Our First Placement

It’s been a little crazy so I haven’t gotten a chance to update everyone in a while. So we are officially licensed to do Respite care. Although I specifically asked if that meant we would be used for emergency placements and was told no, it proved not to be the case. Within hours of being told that we were on approved and were on the respite list we received a phone call to take an emergency placement of a 2 and 3 year old. As much as it hurt my heart to say no, we were unable to miss work and there was no childcare in place.

About a week later I received a call on my way to work. I didn’t hear it ring so as I listened to the voicemail my heart started beating a bit faster. I called my husband and he was onboard so I called the social worker back. She could have told me that he had 3 arms and juggled knives and my mind would have not been changed. He needed us and we were ready to take him.

It was a third grade boy who was about to transition back home. We were told his foster parents closed the case on him because he didn’t like doing homework. I think maybe they had just fell in love with this little guy and needed to separate from him knowing he was going home. They picked us because we were pretty close to his school and they wanted him to get to continue there.

I was to pick him up after work that same day. After I got off the phone with the case worker I realized how little I knew about how all of this really works and how little information I received about him. I emailed her a few follow up questions after scouring the internet for questions I should have asked. The only one that I really am glad I found was “What is his understanding of why he is in foster care?” I obviously won’t get into specifics to protect his privacy but I think knowing what happened isn’t as important as learning what the child perceived to happed. I picked him up at a group facility and the workers filled me in more about him. He stayed with us a week until his court date and was returned home.

I learned a lot from this little guy. He was really the perfect first placement. He was a well behaved kid who loved God. He was a joy to have over. I also learned that Respite isn’t always what it is said to be. We were in fact his foster parents for a week. The loophole of us having a Respite licensed allowed for this short term placement. We began our foster care licensing classes the day the court ordered him back home. It was also the day after my husband was able to officially adopt Jessi. Although it was a crazy week full of big court decisions for my kids I feel like the judges made the right decisions.

When you are lost for words

I found a quote that I love, although we are not to that point yet I really can already connect to it.

” A child born to another woman calls me mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me." - Jody Landers

I guess the reason that I can already relate is because I am running into a problem with this adoption already. The problem is that I find it difficult to know what to pray, I mean when you are pregnant you pray that the baby is healthy and that the delivery goes well. This is different though, because I am aware of the reality that in order for us to get a placement that something has to happen for there to be a need for the baby to be taken away from its biological parents. What person in their right mind would pray for a bad situation to happen to necessitate a need for this? Not only that, but the situation will have remain unresolved for a period of time for the court to find it in the child’s best interest to be placed for adoption.

We should be licensed by the end of April, so if we were to get a placement immediately then that would mean that our child is already inside its mother’s womb or possibly already born. Although years of let downs with the infertility junk has harden me in some ways it certainly has not stopped my ability to feel for those trapped in situations that are spiraling downwards. I pray for the baby’s protection, I pray for God’s will, and sometimes I don’t pray about it at all because I find myself at a loss of words.

I believe that God knows my heart and will not take my broken words and awkward requests for face value. I know that as much as I wanted to have Jessi that I also want this baby and that God will sew it all together for us in the perfect story He created for us. At the end of the day I don’t have to have all the answers, that is the awesome thing about living for God. He wraps you with His peace when you need it and you find calm in the middle of your trials.

Big sister Jessi

Yesterday after work we went to pick up a crib. Although I wish that we could buy all new everything for the baby, the truth is that we simply can't. My husband and I felt the call to plant a church and while God has opened many doors for us we make about $15,000 less a year. I don't say that to gripe because I believe He doesn't want us getting too comfortable in secular jobs and to rely on the world to provide for us.

So we found a crib and mattress on a Facebook group that matched our furniture. Jessi was so excited to help me put it together. She helped me wipe it all down with Clorox wipes, all the while saying that she hopes that she gets a sister so she can teach her how to be like her. It really warmed my heart to see her so excited. See this journey that we have been on has not just been hard for Chad and I, in fact there isn't a night that goes by or a meal that we eat that Jessi doesn't pray for momma to have a baby. It's hard to see you child yearn for something that you can't give them.

I also think that the fact that we are adopting helps her to normalize her own adoption. Jessi is biologically my child and very soon will be legally Chad's daughter, although he has been Daddy for over half of her life.  So her normal is that sometimes kids get adopted to put them in families that will love them and spend time with them like they are supposed to. I honestly don't think she gives it a lot of thought because it is all that she has ever known.

I guess as soon as the end of next week to a month from now we could have a child come through Respite. I recently heard that some foster parents have their foster children go to Respite care over Christmas to avoid buying them presents, that truly broke my heart. I guarantee that if I have a placement for Christmas they will have the full Christmas experience, I know my family wouldn't allow for any less even if I couldn't afford to do it myself.

So for now we wait.....

The Backwards Baby

So we had our meeting yesterday and it seemed to go very well. The only thing she said we needed to do was to put a locking door or gate up on the pool, which we already knew we needed to do. We found out a few things that I didn’t come across on my hours of research so I will list them here just in case you are starting your journey of researching:

1. When you adopt through the state of Missouri the state provides Medicare/Medicaid for the child until it turns 12 or 13 (I just don’t remember which one it was)

2. They also provide daycare until that age as well

3. Foster to Adopt is simply a way of saying that the foster parents are adopting. It’s not a program that you can sign up for. You either sign up to foster or adopt and if the plan changes from reunification then you can adopt the child you are already fostering. The plan is almost always reunification unless they have been in foster care 15 of the last 22 months then the state is required to change the plan to adoption.

4. Respite care is relatively easy to do. There are no classes to attend or home studies to pass. They simply do a background check and a walk through of your home and you are good to go.

               -Respite care is basically just babysitting a child in foster care to give the foster family a break. This can be over the weekend or longer depending on the circumstances.

5. The judge can now give a blanket out of state order for the tri-state area so we would not need to have judge approval to take a foster child out of state to see my family in Oklahoma each time we go.

So I guess the coolest thing we found out yesterday is the Respite care stuff. This gives us a way to help those kids in the older age group that may not fit in our family as a forever child but at least give them a safe place to go for a few days. The license coordinator is going to send us cards to get our fingerprinting done and then we will be set to go. The only thing she suggested is that we go ahead and get a crib so that we can do respite care for younger children as well.

That brings me to my blog title “The Backwards Baby”, sorry for such a long intro. So now that we have the green light and could actually have a child stay at our house in a matter of weeks instead of months my initial panic to prepare seems much more justified. The problem is that I have an 8 year old not a baby and while my house is now officially safe for a baby I certainly don’t have anything that a baby needs.

I know that there are many great foundations out there such as Fostering Hope and The Caring Closet that provide foster families with the things that they need for the children. My problem is twofold; first I don’t feel like it would be right to ask someone to donate a crib to me when I’m not really even fostering a child full time. Second, if I were to get pregnant I would run out and buy a brand new crib for my baby. Why should this child have any less than what I would provide it if it were to come from my own womb?

So do you have a baby shower for a child that is yet to come and if so what if it takes a year for it to get here, wouldn’t that be silly to have prepared so early? The crib is a nonnegotiable item to even get a placement overnight so it must be bought as well as bedding but what about a highchair, toys, a dresser, decorations to match the bedding you chose?

Why not just go ahead and set up the nursery as if I was pregnant and expecting? Or would that be a painful reminder that I am not and may not have a baby for quite some time?

I'm sorry that I am offering more questions than answers but I want this blog to be a realistic view of our journey, and I really don't have all the answers. I do know that I need to go shopping for a crib and leave the rest up to God to work out. 

The Adoption Positive Pregnancy Test

Today is the first step in our journey to adopt. I would say the first step in what will prove to be a long journey but quite frankly it already has been a long journey. We sent in our application to start the process in getting licensed to adopt and later today we meet with our licensing specialist at our home.

It honestly feels comparable to taking a pregnancy test and seeing a yes. I have this "we are going to have a baby we better get ready" feeling knowing that I still have several months to prepare for its arrival. Like any newly expectant mother I have scoured the web for essential items. Granted most new mothers first purchases are onesies and receiving blankets and my purchases are to ensure we pass the home study. So the first thing I bought was a 5lb fire extinguisher followed by outlet plugs, cabinet locks, and a baby gate approved for the top of stairs. I have also prepared fire escape plans for every room and have them printed and laminated. I hope the lady doesn’t think I am crazy for going overboard and preparing to quickly.

Like most expectant fathers my husband does not share my immediacy to prepare for the baby. Lucky for him in my hours of searching online blogs about fostering to adopt I ran across a profound statement to which I have applied to our situation. “My husband doesn’t have to share my level of excitement, just my level of commitment.” I also realize that he is the protector of my family and there is certainly the possibility of hurt during this process that he wants shield us from if possible.

It kind of funny to me, as we were filling out the application we came to the part that you select what type of child you would accept in your home. My husband and I had no discussion because we were already in agreement, but when I put down on the paper that we wanted a child of any gender and of any race between 0-24 months I felt a little sad. It broke my heart a little knowing that there are children out there that need homes that would not fit within the boundaries that we had chosen. While it felt good knowing that gender or skin color would not affect our ability to love and nurture a child it hurt to say that age would. See it’s really easy to feel like you are doing something noble when you start this process, I mean a lot of people think about it but very few actually put any actions to their thoughts. When you put restrictions on what type of child that you would accept it really brings you back to the reality that it is just as much about your own desire as it is helping a kid needing a family.

A friend of mine is adopting a 17 year old boy, in fact it is finalized tomorrow and while they didn’t set out to adopt a teenage boy I certainly have no doubt that God put them together. It really blesses my heart to see them together. I guess we all have our own cross to bear when it comes to this subject because at the end of the day there will always be kids out there needing a family to love them. My cross is the age restriction, yours may be feeling called to foster or adopt and never being obedient to that calling, and others might be turning a deaf ear to the need entirely. I realize adoption isn’t for everyone but in Matthew the 25 chapter God makes it very clear that we are to look out for “the least of these” which I have no doubt orphans fall into that category.



35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’



37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’



40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


I know that not everyone is called to adopt but I would just ask that you see what God is calling you to do about the kids in need. Sorry it wasn’t my intention to mention that in this particular post but I really felt led to adding it.

I love how God does little things to confirm that you are on the right path, because truth be told I still question this decision. I don’t question our ability to love another child of our own but because I have always viewed adoption as giving up on God healing me, so I have moments where I worry that I am giving up on God instead of being obedient. I am sure that satan just trying to get me down but this morning I heard this song for the first time on my way to work and it really reaffirmed that we are on the right path.

 

I haven’t given up on God, I have submitted to His will. I still fully believe that I will get pregnant but I also believe that it may be with child number 3 instead of number 2.

This "No" was different

I cannot begin to tell you the amount of negative pregnancy tests I have taken or the "is this a symptom" thoughts I have had. The cruelest part of infertility is that PMS symptoms are so similar and with PCOS your cycle is never normal.

After writing "Renewed Strength" I did everything that a Christian woman is supposed to do to make sure that this was the month for us. I prayed and thanked God for the baby growing inside me, I prayed for my friends facing infertility, I treated my body as if I were pregnant...and if I began to doubt that I was pregnancy I would audibly rebuke Satan and tell him that he can't create a pregnancy and that he couldn't take it away from me. Despite the fact that I had no symptoms I stood on my belief that God would make it happen this time for us.

Six weeks after my last cycle I took a pregnancy test. I waited as long as I possibly could to ensure that I would not get a false negative by testing to early. So early in the morning I took what I believed would be my final pregnancy test. I prayed as I waited for the results to show up...it was a no again.

The first thought that came into my head was that maybe God was trying to tell me something that I have been too stubborn to listen to. Maybe just maybe our baby isn't going to be packaged the way that I expected. Maybe God's blessing for our family is going to come in a different way.

The concept really isn’t that new for me and my family. If you know Chad and I separately we aren’t exactly the first two people that you would expect to be paired together, but I have no doubt that God himself chose us to be together and that God chose Chad to be Jessi’s father.

So I told my husband that the test was negative and that I was ready to look into fostering or adopting as soon as he was. Of course initially he questioned my motives and was afraid that I was just upset and this was a reaction to the bad news. I really can’t blame him because my overwhelming feeling that we should adopt really shocked me. Don’t get me wrong we have talked about adoption and always thought that instead of dealing with all this infertility junk again we would skip straight to it after our next child is born.

I have really looked at adoption as giving up, but God changed my heart that morning. He gave me peace like I’ve never had before. I didn’t have that nagging feeling that if I would have prayed harder, or stood stronger and proclaimed it to the world that it would happen. In fact God was telling me that I couldn’t use the formulas that church people have put together to make miracles happen. I don’t say that to downplay the importance of those things, many times God blesses them but if prayer and anointing oil was my key to healing then we would have dozens of babies by now.  

The bottom line really is this, Chad and I have given our lives to Christ. Not just the parts that line up with our desires but our whole lives including the way He desires to build our family.

So after much discussion about what exactly this means to our family and deciding what restrictions we would place on the type of child we would open our home to we send off the application to foster to adopt today.